Stephen Hawking Says "Earth’s Destruction Inevitable" | News House

As we sit smugly atop the food chain figuratively picking our teeth with the bones of pretty much any animal we want to (providing they have bones: I see you octopus and don't think I won't figuratively pick my teeth with your crotch beak to make my point) it's hard to imagine our own extinction. Afterall, we've dominated the planet for millennia. And no other lifeform has come close to building, eating and driving it's way to glory in the name of well, it, like we have. But as you may have guessed, dear reader, that's the problem. If we keep at it, our end is not not just possible, it's probable. And smart people want you to remember that. Sorry to bum you out but when Stephen Hawking tells you things look grim, you'd be an octpus beak to not listen.

Indeed, Hawking recently said that it's almost certain that the planet will face a humanity-ending crisis. Ok, to be fair he said it'd happen in the next 1,000 to 10,000 years. But wait, before you aquiesce into complacency and fart yourself to sleep watching fail compilations on YouTube, remember that 1,000 years is nothing. Hawking was adamant that when the big event goes down have to have already colonized space by then or humanity is finished. And while we talk a big game about colonizing nearby planets, it's really effing hard. We need to have that sh*t locked down by the time we eat the last polar bear or the sun explodes. Why aren't we spending more money on this already? They just made a 7th Rocky movie last year! There's money to be spent.

Look, I don't want to be all doom and gloom. I believe in us. We created hover boards and pizza. We are mammals that have nearly perfected online dating. Okay, it's far from perfect. But online dating could be a mating win. We just have to bring that sense industry and lust to space. In the next 100 years. Or our skulls are gonna end up in a dusty heap with the polar bear bones and octupus beaks.

I talk all about it on Today's News House.

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