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Want To Live Long Enough To Grow Old As F*ck? Do This.

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lily
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If you've been searching your whole life for the fountain of youth, look no further than a chicken's ass. Although chicken asses are funny and work well in this context, we actually mean it. A 115-year-old Italian woman has shared with the world the exact rules to live by should you want to make it to a ripe old age. Like, really ripe. Just shy of rotting on the vine.

We also shoehorn in some leaked unretouched Cindy Crawford pic gags because life is short. Unless of course you follow these easy rules. Then life is long. Really long. Bad foreign film long. Looooooong.

Please to enjoy this "news".

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