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Filthy Gerbils Caused More Deaths Than Any Other In Human History

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Thanks to the unbiased eye of the scientific community, rats have officially been absolved of causing the Black Death. So what or who is responsible for carrying hundreds of millions of humans to their deaths in the middle ages? Gerbils. Yup, big ass gerbils brought a butt load of Europeans closer to the sharp scythe and cold hands of the grim reaper. Fact. We think. C'mon, we all know you can't trust science. For all we know, next week bees will be responsible for inventing birth control!? Or causing polio! Probably the later. Never trust a fucking bee. Just shut up and give me your honey already you fuzzy, stripped bastard! Right!?

But Gerbils have some answering to do for their crimes. These darlings of classroom petdom have enjoyed their last guilt free wheel run.

Also we'd like to offer an apology to rats. We make some pretty insensitive rat jokes in this one, but no rats were harmed or will be harmed by anyone here in the News House. And that's a promise. But heaven help any gerbils or bees.

Please to enjoy this "news".

Read more here: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/24/after-8-centuries-rats-exonerated-in-spread-of-black-death-gerbils-implicated/

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